Herb Neufeld and The Mystery of the Müllers

by

Ulla Thomsen

FX: Bubbling water, birds in the sky, laughing people: nearer we hear the sound of someone drinking a beer:

Herb V/O: Weary, weary, me. Here I am sitting on the bank [FX] of the bubbling river Neckar and watching the world go bye. Girls walk bye. Well they do, don't they, after all, they're everwhere.. and the traffic dribbles along on the newish road on the newish side of Heidelberg. Actually we Heidelbergers find those modern upstarts who on this side of the river awfully stuffy, though they think they're not only chic, but also smart. Well, for a town that's only a hundred years old, compared to real Heidelberg, which as you know is slighter younger than the hills, that's a bit strong, don't you think? Where was I? Ah yes! Here I am sitting in the sun and not thinking about very much and feeling the sun on my back, while a delicious drop of ice-cold beer tickles my tastebuds. There are, as you know, the usual crowds of people, the group of students learning how to juggle and ride unicycles, and the girl with a big dog getting chatted up by-Antje: Hello, Herb Neufeld.

Dog: Grr, Grrr

Herb: Does he bite?

Antje: Only if you aren't nice to his mistress, Antje

Herb: Oh, hello there..Antje, my, what beautiful...

Dog: Grr Grr

Antje: He doesn't like you.. what a shame

Herb: Oh well..

Antje: Bye then..

Herb: Blasted hound!

Herb V/O: Well, that was a close one! How do think she knew my name..? Well, well... Hullo, what's happening over there with the guy on the uni-cycle: he's put an extension on the seat making the cycle amazingly high... and everyone's clapping and laughing [FX]..... now he's juggling.. now one of the girls is climbing up on the cycle.. crazy.. and now.. whoops! They fell over.!. well, life is full of ups and downs.. now who is this who's making a beeline for me...

Fiorella: Herbert Neufeld, I've been looking for you everywhere!

Herb: Fiorella! You might be my partner in our enterprise.. but that doesn't give you ...

Fiorella: I'm not bothering you in your lunch hour Neufeld! this is business, remember? Something you haven't been very successful in recently!

Herb: Enough of the invective Fiorella.. give me the facts.. and tell me the rates!

Fade to: Herbs office-

Müller: They stole the lot, Herr Neufeld, the whole lot, and you can imagine that I was horrified..

Herb: Tell me the situation, Herr Müller; let's get the situation clear first:

Müller: The first thing I knew was last tuesday.. when I got up in the morning everything was O.K. Then I left my house.. but when I got back in the afternoon the house had been ransacked and I was broke.. destroyed..

Herb: Have you informed the police?

Müller: I can't, Herr Neufeld- that's the problem... some of what my brother has been up to is not.. completely legal.. you know?

Herb: Well, I can imagine, Herr Müller, but I can't undertake anything that's illegal.. you must understand that I can't operate outside the law whether or not I actually like it..

Müller: No, No.. don't worry about legality.. let me tell you.. when i say stolen I mean that the items which were taken were precious things... family heirlooms actually.. things that I and my family have treasured for aas long as we have existed... we're a proud family, and the Horn of the Müllers is not merely a symbol to us, more a...

Herb: The horn of the Müllers? What's this then..

Fiorella: Would you like a drink, Herr Müller..

Herb; Shush a minute, Fiorella...

Müller: Well, it's rather like the book of the Müllers...

Fiorella: A coffee, perhaps?

Müller: I've got something in my car to show you.. I'll be back in a moment-

FX: Leaves

Fiorella: I was trying to get your attention, Neufeld..

Herb; Eh?

Fiorella: Havn't you heard about the Müllers?

Herb: What?

Fiorella: The Müllers.. they've been in the newspapers a lot since.. but of course you've spent most of your summer so far on the banks of the Neckar so you haven't had much time to read!

Herb: Keep to the subject, Fiorella,,

Fiorella: According to what I've read and heard, The Müllers are a lost family... apparently they were a sort of Rhineland clan who had a huge castle in the mountains .. anyway, about two hundred years ago they legitimised themselves and the outcome of that was the foundation of a sort of Dynasty called, not unnaturally, the Müllers..

Herb: Well, Müller is a fairly common name around hereabouts, isn't it..

Fiorella: Don't joke, Neufeld.. these people are seriously rich.. and we could use the cash..

Herb: Where have I heard that song before?.. yes.. continue..

Fiorella: I read last week that all the heirlooms of the Müllers were being gradually stolen.. but no-body knew by whom, or even why, though you could say that that must be logical ...

FX: Müller re-enters

Müller: Here we are.. let me show you now.. [unfolds papers]

Herb: You are the leader of the Müllers, then..

Müller: I see you've heard about us..

Herb: Naturally!

Müller: How gratifying!

Fiorella: Herr Neufeld is a remarkable man, Herr Müller!

Müller: As you'll know, Herr Neufeld, the mystery of the Müllers, as we always put it, is that they are such a long-lived line..